Sunday, June 14, 2009

On the overratedness of sunscreen

(Not that sunscreen is really all that overrated; try to get one at least SPF 30 and waterproof if you're going to spend a lot of time outside. Moisturizer with sunscreen in it is a great way to avoid skin cancer and avoid wrinkles.)

Okay, so a recent conversation with Practically regular (sounds funny, but it stays) Zen Bubba lapsed, inexplicably, into a list of advice for living. And with June seeing the graduation of thousands of high school students, I thought it might be time to take a swing at some Baz Luhrmannism.

Thus:

No one should be alone, but it's better to be alone than to be not-alone with the wrong person.
Don't talk to strangers. (ZB)
Beware of free stuff.
Floss daily. (ZB)
Don't eat anything bigger than your head. (ZB)
Things that scare you are often actually good for you.
Great minds think alike, but so do delusional maniacs. (ZB)
If everything seems to be going your way, make sure you aren't in the wrong lane.
Be sure and tip your waitress. (ZB)
Never pet a burning dog. (ZB)
Ninjas can't touch you if you're on fire. (ZB)
Let the ugly girl sing.
Never hang a hoe in a tree or let a lizard count your teeth. (ZB)
If you're only going to accomplish one thing in life, make sure it's breathing. (ZB)
Someday, a middle-school band director is going to tell you he needs you to either play tuba or drums. Remember that pretty girls don't date tuba players. (ZB)
Everyone is weird in high school. The lucky ones are the ones who realize this and work to capitalize on it in the future.
There is no normal. (ZB)
Deal with it. (ZB)
Love God and have faith, but don't trust churches. (ZB)
Put a password on your wireless network.
Name that wireless network "I can hear you masturbating." (That one's all ZB.)

And this last one comes from a nun I once spoke to at length. Wonderful woman, that one. I highly recommend nuns:

"I don't know what to tell you. I'm right there with you."

Not terribly helpful, but comforting.

So how about you? What wisdom do you have to share with this future generation of unemployees?

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